The Coloring Book Church

- Places total emphasis on tidiness

- Values staying within the lines

- Is the exclusive issuer of the crayons

- Discourages shading and the use of texture

- Issues the same coloring book to every member

- Is only satisfied when the coloring book is completely filled out

- Takes all responsibility for creativity

- Discards each coloring book when it is completed and replaces it with another book of similarly little value

- Is satisfied when the individual does not reflect in any way on the coloring in the coloring book

- Non-completion of the coloring book is seen to be a demonstration of a lack of loyalty with the church

- Considers media other than issued crayons - such as paint and pencils - to be not in the best interests of the church

- Is glossy on the outside but matte on the inside