talk to strangers

I love talking to strangers. There are a couple key strategies that I use. Now, I know that we were always told not to talk to strangers, but now that I have a year of karate under my belt (taking lessons only because my mother forced me during the grade 3), and because I’m taking a weight training course in my last semester at trinity (it is tough stuff that weight lifting), I feel almost completely confident in my ability to escape from any strange situations. Ok well here it is: You know when you are sitting on a bus and someone completely interesting sits down near you and you would just love to know who they are and why, for goodness sakes, are they wearing a hat with a feather stuck in it? Or you are on a train (as I am right now, as a matter of fact), and you are sitting next to someone with a really nice coat and an accent, and you wonder, is he the head of a multinational cooperation? Ok, I’m assuming my fellow VIA Rail Economy Class passenger is not the CEO of American Airlines or anything (I love how specific I got on that one, instead of just saying, “a company”), BUT he must have an interesting story or at LEAST know where to get good deals on men’s winter jackets. So anyways there are a couple key ways in which to communicate to these fascinating people.

One is easy: it’s the compliment the outfit approach. “Oh I ADORE those red shoes!” (this is tailored to older ladies, who are most often found wearing interesting red shoes). She will respond, letting you know of her recent find at Macy’s, and the conversation continues from there! So simply assess the outfit and make your comments accordingly. The key to this suggestion is to be honest! If you really don’t like the shoes, then perhaps don’t tell her you like them. You could say something else, like “what red shoes those are! Where did you get them?” This still communicates the message, but in a truthful way. This can work for both guys and girls! I have observed my little brother in conversation with strangers, and his usually revolve around discussing Star Wars –  or anything involving a trilogy of some kind or another (Lord of the Rings will also do). I don’t really know HOW his conversations start, but I would suffice to say that he probably asks them some question with no intention to talk to them and somehow they end up talking about Mordor or their excitement at the way that George Lucas worked with special effects in the latest film. Either way, find your in and… well you are in!

Second tip on meeting new people, is always being aware of who is around you. I would generally call this the “turn your iPod off and look around principle.” I won’t go into too much detail, but to say that there is a time and a place to be in your own world… but when you are forced to be around people, spend a LITTLE time in conversation and you will learn things you never thought to think about. It really does expand your point of view. For example, last night I was at Starbucks, and it was very packed. There were no tables available, and this older lady was standing with her tea, and her bags, waiting for a table to open up. I waved to her, and pointed to my extra chair, and she sat down, looking happy to be off her shoes (which were actually red, and really cute, but I didn’t get the chance to tell her). Instead of reading, we both ended up talking the entire time! She is a curator at a museum, and she just had returned from Egypt! She told me all about Cairo and Luxor, and all the adventures she went on. Then we turned to refugees, and I found out she has worked with them in Thailand and Guatemala! I had been to Guatemala recently, so we chatted about that. Now I have an invitation to a private viewing of a new drawings exhibit! I’m sure glad I didn’t have my iPod on that day.

Finally, I will end with a last piece of advice. Make sure that you don’t discount the interesting people you may come across. People who you first ignore (although I’m sure you are all nice people and would never ignore anyone), tend to be the most interesting ones of all. A doorman at my friends’ apartment does drug counseling work with youth in the mornings, works the afternoon shift in the afternoon, and goes to night class to work on his masters in counseling, and he is 57! One day I walked by someone with the same phone as me (a GREAT talking point!) and she was a 12 year old girl (sorry, ‘pre-teen’) in spandex, a hot pink top and a head band (we were at the mall, she was loving the 80s look) and she had so much information about Hannah Montana and High School Musical – both fascinating topics. One of my favorite memories was a bus ride I had to take in Guatemala one time, and it was cramped quarters. I was seated next to a older gentleman, who was not the smallest of men, but after an hour I learned more about Vietnam then I’d ever learned in my studies of the war there, and he had been a navy seal there! (he wasn’t lying either! He showed me this picture he carries around of him and his buddies on the special dive team he was on. AND it turned out that he was the man who was a caterer (he now owns a catering company) at an event that I had been to the year before in San Francisco! It is a small world after all.

Ok before I let you go, in case anyone is still reading. There is one thing going through your mind, and that is this: Alison, how do I know these people aren’t lying to me, or that they are crazy!? Well the answer is, I guess you will never know if they are or are not lying. But even if they are, it’s still fascinating isn’t it!? You can learn about people if they are lying or not. Step two: creepers. Hmm… you are going to have to use common sense on this one. But seriously, if we spend the rest of our lives making sure we stay away from anyone that looks remotely sketchy then it’s just NOT as exciting! People are people, and they are all made uniquely, and as I love about God - he knows them all individually! So if that is God’s heart, it can be ours too. Well I must go, the woman who is sitting next to me on the train just asked if I have a pen, and you KNOW that this is really going to go somewhere. Good technique lady! (PS: Don’t be psycho, sometimes people are just not waiting to tell you their life story, but most of the time – they would LOVE to.) They won’t be strangers for long.