Chapter Three

Forgive me, but I’ve mentioned this before.

I love the Old Testament.

And one of my favorite stories in the OT has nothing to do with its ability to speak to my humanity. Or because it provides me with firm footing from which I can approach the Divine. It does not answer my deep questioning, solve the eternal mysteries of life, or quench my desire for truth.

I love this story because it is the perfect proof-text for one of my longest held beliefs.

Trash-talk is biblical.

Now, after an extended stay in the Religious Studies department at TWU, I can (arrogantly) confidently use (fallible) strong exegesis to prove what I’ve known since the third grade. Please step off your moral high horse for a moment and join me in the competitive sphere known as “life.”

Here, in 1 Kings 18, the Bible gives us one of its heroes. Elijah, God’s earthly emissary, is given a divine command. Ever the obedient servant, he assembles “all of Israel” as an audience for the greatest smack talk performance in history. He issues a challenge to the false prophets of Baal and hundreds of them answer his call. The terms are established. Forget win or go home, the biblical version has much higher stakes. Win, or be mercilessly killed in front of the entire nation. With a boldness that only comes from faith in God, Elijah doesn’t run. He doesn’t hide. He doesn’t forfeit. Instead, he does what any good heckler does – he grabs a front row for the show. We’ll join the action in the first quarter.

Baal’s prophets are having the game of their lives.

Every one of them is giving 110%. They have a game plan and are working together as a team to see it through. This is where practice pays off. All their dances, chants, and offensive plays have been preparing for this moment. Every cliché applies except for one problem – they aren’t winning.

And Elijah knows it.

So he does what everyone good heckler does – he states the obvious.

I can envision it now.

“I hope you didn’t bet the treasury on this,” he shouts over the ritual sounds. “Because the State would be in deficit after today.” Mild laughter creeps through the crowd but Elijah does not care. He’s not doing it for the mob’s approval.

“Stop chanting and dancing,” he yells at an opportune moment. “I think you’re scaring the priestesses.” A few priests on the sideline giggle before their peers notice.

“All morning and still no fire? My grandma can make fire while seated in her wheelchair – and she’s 80.

An overzealous cleric retorts, “Lot of chirping coming from someone who was last seen hiding in a cave,” before his elders shush him.

Directed towards anyone else and that might be a silencing quote, but Elijah just smiles. He knows he has them right where he wants them. Their focus is broken, their attention is diverted, and their loss is all but sealed.

He throws out a few more before dropping the big one:

“Shout louder! Maybe your God is asleep and can’t hear you?”[1]

I’m sure there is a deeper spiritual significance to this passage but at present it eludes me. What is apparent, however, is that the Holy Scriptures reveals a salient illustration of the value and importance of trash talk.

Amen.

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[Chapter One coming soon]

[1] 1 Kings 18:27