When Vanessa Siemens needed space to breathe again after her mother’s passing, she did what she had promised her mother she would do. She got in the car, set her hands on the wheel, and began driving. After two and a half years as her mother’s caregiver, Siemens set out on a road trip through all 50 US states, carrying both love and loss like luggage in the trunk.
She did not go looking for a quick ending to grief. She went looking for a way to tell the truth about it, with tenderness, honesty, and hope. That journey became the book 50 States of Grief, a reflective memoir that traces grief as a companion rather than a problem to solve. Told through the structure of place, each state becomes a doorway into a theme from the healing journey that surfaces along the way. Some chapters rise from Siemens’ own story while others hold the voices of people she met and the small conversations that opened into something sacred and human.
“Grief is a lifelong companion,” said Siemens.
A journey shaped by love & layered loss
Siemens grew up in a Christian family in the Fraser Valley, and faith soon became a comforting presence as her family’s circumstances shifted. In her teenage years, she navigated several profound losses in a short span of time, experiences that shaped her early relationship with grief before she had the tools to process it.
That is part of what makes her book resonate. It does not reduce grief to one kind of story. It makes room for the grief people expect and the grief they do not. “We tend to think grief is only when someone dies, but life is a series of gifts and losses. Even good gifts can come with loss, like leaving a community, ending a season, or stepping into something new,” she said.
In 50 States of Grief, Siemens gives readers permission to notice those quieter losses and to honour them without shame. One of Siemens’ most meaningful shifts came through prayer. In seasons of pain, she found herself stepping away from the question that can consume a grieving heart. Instead of asking why, she began asking who. Who is God in the middle of this? Who is God when answers do not come? Who is God when a person is still learning how to trust?
For Siemens, that question opened a deeper honesty in her relationship with God. She found lament language in Scripture, and she discovered that faithful prayer could include rawness, confusion, and the courage to speak without pretending. “It brought me to a place where I could share honestly with God,” said Siemens.
Trinity Western & the friendships that lasted
Siemens came to Trinity Western University with a surprising turn in her story. She once imagined a different path and studied elsewhere, but grief changed what she needed and what she wanted to understand. After time in Quebec at a Bible college, she returned to British Columbia and enrolled at TWU from 2006 to 2009, graduating with an honours degree in psychology.
In that season, studying psychology in a Christian context gave her language for what she had lived through and a framework for how faith and grief can hold the same space. It also gave her friendships that remained—long after graduation. One of her closest friendships began during orientation week, when two transfer students bonded over feeling like they didn't belong in the typical first-year experience. The irony makes her smile now. Years later, those friends became some of the people who helped her finish her debut book.
Writing the hard parts & leaving room for light
Siemens has been writing for most of her life, often with multiple journals at once. Over time, writing became more than creativity. It became how she processed the world.
“My thoughts become articulate when I write them,” she said. “I need to write them to understand what is going on internally.”
The second half of 50 States of Grief reflects that posture. Alongside the travel narrative, the book includes short essays written over several years, including pieces shaped while caregiving, and reflections on holidays, anniversaries, and the strange disorientation of time when someone you love is dying. It took seven years to complete the manuscript.
“There is deep despair at points,” she said. “But there is also deep hope.”
That balance became one of the book’s quiet strengths. It does not tie grief up neatly. It also does not leave readers stranded. It keeps turning toward light, again and again, as an act of faith.
Today, Siemens lives on Vancouver Island. She married this past summer and now shares life with her husband, two children, and a miniature schnauzer who keeps the household lively. She continues to write, offer spiritual direction, and teach as opportunities come. Her story, like her book, holds both loss and gift in the same hands.
And if 50 States of Grief offers one steady invitation, it is this: Grief is not a deadline you miss or meet. It is a journey you learn to walk and one you do not have to walk alone.
About Trinity Western University
Founded in 1962, Trinity Western University is a global Christian liberal arts university dedicated to equipping students for life. Uniting faith and reason through Christian teaching and scholarship, TWU is a research institution offering undergraduate and graduate degrees in the humanities and sciences as well as in several professional schools. TWU has its main campus in Langley, B.C. and campus sites in Richmond, B.C. and Ottawa, Ont. Learn more at www.twu.ca or follow us on Instagram @trinitywestern, Twitter @TrinityWestern, on Facebook and LinkedIn. For media inquiries, please contact media@twu.ca.